An Update to My Faith Crisis
Following-up from my previous update, I have continued to watch the Spiritual Deconstruction videos by Rhett Mclaughlin to kind of see his journey. While I agree with him on a bunch of stuff, it does seem his trajectory is going to a different place. From his most recent videos on the topic, Rhett expresses a belief in spirituality as an outside force that creatives can tap into and access. That the songs and creative works he is inspired to create come to him in an almost magical, unexplainable way.
To me it seems like there’s a more plausible explanation. Rhett is a creative. Over the years he has molded his brain into thinking like a creative. His brain is specifically wired to explore those impulses, find patterns, and create stories, narratives, or music in a way most people who haven’t had years of experience can’t. Everyone can dream about anything, even unconsciously during sleep. I believe creatives have this self-taught ability to access or listen to those unconscious ideas and run with them, seeking those patterns until eventually a work of art comes forth. I don’t believe there’s much in the realm of spiritual tapping, but instead a brain that’s been wired in a way to access and recognize those creative thoughts easier.
On another note, these videos by Rhett have kind of sent me down a rabbit hole of philosophy that I never knew existed. I’m finding words, phrases, and ideas I’ve never heard of before. The two mot common are:
- Spiritual Deconstruction - A process of personal religious re-examination where individuals unpack, rethink, and examine their beliefs, often leading to a re-evaluation or even abandonment of previously held faith.
- Nihilism - A philosophical position or viewpoint that denies the existence of objective truth and value, often asserting that life is meaningless. Spiritual Deconstruction is a phrase used quite a bit from Rhett and Link in the videos I have previously mentioned. It’s a process I can fully relate to and I guess instead of calling my journey a “Faith Crisis”, I find the name “Spiritual Deconstruction” more relatable. This journey hasn’t made me feel sad, alone, or in a state of confusion. This journey has felt more like a reframing or exploration into a way of thinking I’ve never done before. It’s been an interesting and somewhat exciting process. The hardest part about it which I’ve stated before is potentially letting others down and also sifting through and discarding an upbringing of religious belief.
Through one of Rhett’s videos I’ve been introduced to Brittney Hartley who is a former member of the LDS church. Brittney definitely has some good insights about religion and philosophy, especially when it comes to LDS doctrine and history. I’ve listened to a few of her videos now to get a bit of an understanding of her background to see where she’s coming from. It would seem her experience was unpleasant to say the least. As she lost her faith, she lost the world she had built for herself. Her marriage, her family, her friends, and to some extent herself all seemed to disassociate form one another and her life. Over this experience she fell into a nihilism type outlook in life and disassociated from practically everything, even thinking about ending her life a few times. Her story is pretty extreme. During my deconstruction process, I can’t say I’ve experienced anything as difficult as what she has gone through in her journey. At this point in her journey, she has gone to school to garner degrees in theology and religious studies. Now she offers sessions to help those on a similar journey as her own to bring people out of that nihilism outlook in life and find purpose.
I admire her strength and the life she has built for herself out from the doom she found herself in. After listening to a few more videos from her, I can say that I relate to her in some ways, but her journey is extremely different than mine. I’ve at no point felt this nihilism she talks about. In listening to her conversations with other post-spirituality interviewers, it seems she—much like Jeremy Runnells—have very harsh feelings towards the church; something that I am unable to relate with. In listening to her speak, it would almost feel like her belief is that anyone leaving religion will fall into this nihilism, something which I have never experienced.
It’s an interesting angle to this. Much like Rhett, my journey has been one in the search for truth. For Brittney, it seems like her journey has been in search of purpose. For me, my purpose comes from just being alive. That after billions of years in the formation of this universe, I just happen to be alive and to experience love, art, culture, and wonder in the world around me in this tiny speck of time makes me feel like I have purpose. That’s a feeling I’ve also had while I was in the church. I suppose I didn’t stake my entire purpose into religion at an early age. Perhaps that’s why my journey has avoided the darker times others have expressed. I find myself thankful to younger me for that.