An Update to My Faith Crisis
I recently watched a video from @BeliefItOrNot titled When You Can’t Feel God and his closing remarks resonated with me. It kind of starts around 46:02, but towards the end he says “If you (God) want me, you know where to find me”. And to me, that is exactly where I am in my belief. If God wants a relationship with me, then I’m right here. I’m tired of the silence. I have questions that are not being answered. Questions I’ve been holding onto for 18 years without any answers. All along the way, I gave God the benefit of the doubt, shaping my reality to conform to what I believed to be His words. But over and over, the stories weren’t adding up. The claims weren’t substantial. And all the while it felt I was making excuses for God in my head.
I’m done making those excuses… If God wants me to believe in Him or in Jesus Christ, they know where to find me and what it’ll take to have me believe because I’ve already asked. I feel like I’ve tipped from a skeptic, to a believer, to a hopeful believer, to a skeptic, and finally into an agnostic who’s borderline atheist. While I continue to study and ponder my feelings on this topic which I imagine myself doing for most of my life at this point, I will update here. But for now and into the near future, this is just kind of where I’m at. Willing to listen, but done trying.